Try not to land on anyone with angry, vengeful relatives.

Scan_20140325 (38)

And for God’s sake, if you’re offered a pair of shoes, don’t take them. 

Murder in the Wind — John D. Macdonald

They were unable to capture the elusive sound of a weeping vulva

91Yw4jS+y-L._SL1500_

An omni-directional microphone could have saved them a lot of unnecessary pubic taunting and achieved a successful first take.

Sweet Renegade — Andria Large

He’s not sick…

20574776

He’s just a little horse.

Breaking the Bad Boy — Vanessa Lennox

Quality often decreases as the number of sequels increases.

Photo (1)

Liam Neeson isn’t even in this one. Which is okay by us. We really don’t want to see that.

Taken — Selena Kitt

I received a cybernetic alarm from a frightened group of ants!

51Xj1AbuyHL

And this is why I prefer to work with ants.

Perfect Pitch — Mindy Klasky

They were clearly meant to be together. They had so much in common!

Sc_demonsmate_large

Like being molded out of plastic and that they were designed by a 12-year-old boy whose ideas of “sexy” come from comic books.

The Demon’s Mate — Sam Cheever

I’m not dead yet!

21518620

I feel fine! 

Plague of Love — Morris Fenris & Jasmine Bowen

scarabattoli said: It has everything. Twilight reference, man beef acting like a little scared girl, implied non-human snoo snoo (“new species”) and what seems to be bad photoshopped long hair.

In fairness (I do try to be fair), it’s not actually a Twilight reference. That’s just the name of an Ellora’s Cave line. They also have Exotica, Moderne, Spectrum, Presents, Blush, and Aeon, among others.

The rest you’re spot on with. :D

Life isn’t a game of peek-a-boo.

Slade cover img

We can still see you.

Slade — Laurann Dohner

Why can’t party invitations be clear on appropriate attire?

Photo 2

He hated being over-dressed.

Krinos — T.I. Smith

Do you know how many men have shot off their own penises?

Photo (15)

Don’t become a statistic.

Winter’s Heat — Cristin Harber

scarabattoli said: Real love can defeat gravity and anatomy. Also, they are on doing it on the beach yet nobody is wet or covered in sand.

Of course they’re not covered in sand — they’re not actually, you know, lying down. :-P

This is actually not the current cover. It’s what shows up on Amazon and the icon on my Kindle, but the cover itself looks different now. It’s a much better cover. We might have felt a little guilty about that except for the fact that every time I scroll through my books, I see these magically floating people.

No stock photos of people lying down?

Screenshot 2014-07-11 at 11.09.01 PM

No problem!

Lovers at Heart — Melissa Foster

Here is the church, here is the steeple, open it up and see…

Photo (14)

That’s not a person. That is definitely not a person.

Now zip up your pants.

Out of the Dark — Danielle James

mirebast:

So… I’m not the only one who thinks this looks like Jensen Ackles.

No, you most definitely are not.

P.S. Seriously, when are they going to stop using him as a cover model?