This is still legal in, like, 15 states.


But we still don’t want to read about it.

Rancher Romance Series Trilogy — Amelia Rosa

Try not to land on anyone with angry, vengeful relatives.

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And for God’s sake, if you’re offered a pair of shoes, don’t take them. 

Murder in the Wind — John D. Macdonald

They were unable to capture the elusive sound of a weeping vulva


An omni-directional microphone could have saved them a lot of unnecessary pubic taunting and achieved a successful first take.

Sweet Renegade — Andria Large

He’s not sick…


He’s just a little horse.

Breaking the Bad Boy — Vanessa Lennox

Quality often decreases as the number of sequels increases.

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Liam Neeson isn’t even in this one. Which is okay by us. We really don’t want to see that.

Taken — Selena Kitt

I received a cybernetic alarm from a frightened group of ants!


And this is why I prefer to work with ants.

Perfect Pitch — Mindy Klasky

They were clearly meant to be together. They had so much in common!


Like being molded out of plastic and that they were designed by a 12-year-old boy whose ideas of “sexy” come from comic books.

The Demon’s Mate — Sam Cheever

I’m not dead yet!


I feel fine! 

Plague of Love — Morris Fenris & Jasmine Bowen

Life isn’t a game of peek-a-boo.

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We can still see you.

Slade — Laurann Dohner

Why can’t party invitations be clear on appropriate attire?

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He hated being over-dressed.

Krinos — T.I. Smith

Do you know how many men have shot off their own penises?

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Don’t become a statistic.

Winter’s Heat — Cristin Harber

No stock photos of people lying down?

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No problem!

Lovers at Heart — Melissa Foster

Here is the church, here is the steeple, open it up and see…

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That’s not a person. That is definitely not a person.

Now zip up your pants.

Out of the Dark — Danielle James

It’s okay. Lots of people made bad tattoo choices in the 90s.

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Just never tribal again.

Hard Body Rock — Nora Flite

Peeping is for chumps


Though it’s certainly easier when he has someone to distract her.

Bedding the Billionaire — Kendra Little