Don’t become a hairless statistic. Wear your safety gear.

Screenshot 2014-08-29 at 9.14.56 PM

Each of the workers in the oil and gas extraction and support industry wears OSHA mandated flame-resistant clothing to prevent their chest hair from being burnt off like what happened here.

Black Gold — Ruby Laska

It was the 80s. Everyone did things they’re not proud of.

Surrender

Men in short-shorts is one of those things.

Surrender — Emily Carmichael

Is that, like, the rich person version of Mentos and Diet Coke?

Screenshot 2014-08-27 at 9.12.24 PM

Also, did a lady from a Robert Palmer video just get married? Is that what just happened here?

Champagne and Lemon Drops — Jean Oram

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations.

Lady of the Line

Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.”

Lady of the Line — Craig Barstow

She REALLY had to go.

Photo (26)

Soon that will be “Natural Spring Water.”

True Love and Other Disasters — Rachel Gibson

Ten of them involve cats. The other ten are about bones.

Scan_20140602 (15)

He never claimed to be deep.

Twenty Wishes — Debbie Macomber

¿uʍop-ǝpısdn noʎ ǝɹɐ ʎɥʍ

Scan_20140416 (15) - Edited (1)

I’m not upside-down. You’re upside-down.

Undeniably Yours — Shannon Stacey

Not sure if he’s wearing nude stretchy pants…

Touch of lace

Or wore a long sleeved shirt while sun bathing.

Touch of Lace — Elizabeth DeLancey

We’ve got a case of Buttaface. When everything’s hot but the face. And that one nipple.

Photo (25)

Eh. Just stick a hat on him.

Also, throw in a really creepy looking covered wagon. That should distract the eye.

Orchids in Moonlight — Patricia Hagan

He wasn’t a very good cowboy. The alpacas were totally in charge.

Screenshot 2014-08-20 at 9.51.53 PM

Also, they’re alpacas.

Cowboy for Sale — Janet Wellington

We realize that cover models are expensive…

The kindling heart

But asking your neighbor’s 19-year-old son to dress up in a bedsheet should not be your second choice.

The Kindling Heart — Carmen Caine

Prince Valium’s second attempt at marriage was slightly more successful.

Once a rebel

Princess Narcolepsy was a much better fit.

Once A Rebel — Tammy Hilz

Insert “Pearl Necklace” joke here.

Scan_20140602 (4) - Edited

Also, that’s a spiral.

Circles — Doris Mortman

Angry Vagina Tree is not impressed by your ritualistic dancing.

9099f226f945d559b3dc705ba2de5529a3c10243

In all fairness, fifty year old meth addicts aren’t known for their rhythm.

Reader submission by Jadziwine
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he’ll take your word for it.

The Erect Oak — Julissa Redone