Call for Cover Submissions

badromancenovelquotes:

I’m just not feeling the covers I’ve been looking through, and I haven’t had a chance to scan in a few more boxes.

So! If you have a romance novel with a bad cover, send the picture (or link to the picture) to me! send it to thewife@unclewaltersrants.com. Be sure to include the name (and or link) you’d like listed for credit!

We’re open for submissions of bad romance novel quotes, too, but I’m definitely in need of covers right now. morebadbookcovers and badlitmakestheworldgoround and… um… there are others, I know, damnit.

But I’ve had 2 sleeping pills that cause me to hallucinate, and a bunch of other pills, and I’m kind of really slooooow right now. So… Help a friend out?

Whatever that is, we’re all grossed out.

Go take a shower. Now.

Bring Me Fire — Emily Stone

elizabethplaid said: Maybe “pegging”, too. Also, there is a mouse on the cover. I hate that these just leave me with so many questions. I hope the mouse talks and is like, “Run quick, before she gets the raw ginger!”

So we get this cover. And we look at it. And I’m trying to figure out what book they’re reading, and UW says “is that a mouse?” and I look down and it’s totally a mouse.

And I just don’t know what to say to that, because, like you, I have so many questions about this mouse and why he’s there.

And then I remember that cartoon Ben & Me, and I kind of wonder if the MOUSE is writing the romance novel.

scarabattoli said: For a werewolf he sure spend a lot of time fighthing his body hair.

Have you seen the show Teen Wolf? I swear some of them wind up with LESS hair when they transform. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the show, but I’m pretty sure Derek somehow loses his otherwise very impressive eyebrows.

Like, goes to Matt smith levels of no-eyebrows.

scarabattoli said: No time for sexual intercourse female! There is a new episode of Pawn Stars!

UW laughed pretty heartily at this. Partially because he was actually watching an episode of Pawn Stars at the moment I read it to him.

Guess who just got a Bedazzler?

This guy!

FYI: Bedazzler.

Bluegrass State of Mind — Kathleen Brooks

Pretty lady… Kissing… Fun…

SQUIRREL!

Predator & Prey — James D. Horton

You might want to reconsider whatever it is you’re thinking of doing with that.

Because that wolf is 2000% done with you today.

Alpha Lust: A Wolf’s Embrace — Ashley Spector

They were going to have the sparkliest vampire of all sparkly vampires…

And it would be fabulous.

Dark Dreams — Kristie K. Shafer, Kristen Middleton

Wife? Well, we do remember something about a cello player.

Or at least someone who uses a bow.

Coulson’s Wife — Anna J. McIntyre

Only you can prevent forest fires.

By, you know, not being on fire.

Shifting Fates — Aubrey Rose & Nadia Simonenko

Are we just ignoring the fact that he’s on fire? Yes?

Photo (29) - Edited

Okay, then.

Taken by the Ghost — Jillian Valentine

"Dafuq did I just read?"

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Given his expression, probably something about a violent groinal attack.

Reader submission by Anon E. Mouse
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he’ll take your word for it.

Serendipity — Judith McWilliams

It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts.

Screenshot 2014-09-10 at 10.52.42 PM

Apparently she really, really craves meth. 

Sworn — Emma Knight

Some women like living on the edge…

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The edge of a cliff. Waiting to get their ass pecked off by a raven.

Taming a Raven — Kathleen Lash