Uteri should not be clown cars.

And vaginas should not be Slip ‘N Slides.

Baby 2000 — Judy Christenberry

Get so much more with “Discount Portrait Studios”

morebadbookcovers:

badromancenovelcovers:

morebadbookcovers:

badromancenovelcovers:

image

Sears might give you a family, but we’ll give you someone else’s home, a “girlfriend,” and hair.

Reader submission by morebadbookcovers
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he’ll take your word for it.

Detour to Love — Deborah Macgillivray

I like this better than my version!

Where’s yours?

C’mon, share! :)

I went though the whole archive (did you know there’s an archive?) and it looks like my joke was so lame I deleted it.

Yes, I’m aware there’s an archive. :-P

I’m also aware that images take FOREVER to load on my little Chromebook. 

Probably because I have 17 tabs open and one of them is Facebook (which is like a fucking anchor it drags things down so much).

But don’t tell UW I said that. ;)

I know some new tricks. A lot of good tricks.

I will show them to you. Your mother will not mind at all if I do.

Aphrodite’s Secret — Julie Kenner

Get so much more with “Discount Portrait Studios”

morebadbookcovers:

badromancenovelcovers:

image

Sears might give you a family, but we’ll give you someone else’s home, a “girlfriend,” and hair.

Reader submission by morebadbookcovers
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he’ll take your word for it.

Detour to Love — Deborah Macgillivray

I like this better than my version!

Where’s yours?

C’mon, share! :)

Get so much more with “Discount Portrait Studios”

Sears might give you a family, but we’ll give you someone else’s home, a “girlfriend,” and hair.

Reader submission by morebadbookcovers
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he’ll take your word for it.

Detour to Love — Deborah Macgillivray

Instant Family, courtesy of the Sears Portrait Studio.

Still better than “We’re the Millers.”

Anna’s Child — Angel Milan

This is why you don’t get discount breast augmentation.

theahole:

badromancenovelcovers:

morebadbookcovers:

badromancenovelcovers:

image

The higher priced implants don’t explode.

Taming the Beast — Brooklynn Rivers

I like your interpretation better than mine.  Yuk.

Where’s yours?

I’ve been avoiding my dashboard because I’m behind on a couple shows and I’m trying to avoid spoilers. lol

Oh, I haven’t done this one.  It just kinda looks like she’s being hit with a lot of white fluid.

We are much too sophisticated to make a —

*snorting with laughter*

Okay, never mind. I can’t even make a joke that absurd.

We didn’t think of it. Probably because he’s behind her or something.

You know how you personalize your video game character to be as ugly as possible?

It’s like that.

P.S. This is The Boy’s Saint’s Row IV character:

Hm…

Like A Curse — Keira Levett

This is why you don’t get discount breast augmentation.

morebadbookcovers:

badromancenovelcovers:

image

The higher priced implants don’t explode.

Taming the Beast — Brooklynn Rivers

I like your interpretation better than mine.  Yuk.

Where’s yours?

I’ve been avoiding my dashboard because I’m behind on a couple shows and I’m trying to avoid spoilers. lol

This is why you don’t get discount breast augmentation.

The higher priced implants don’t explode.

Taming the Beast — Brooklynn Rivers

That’s not a compass.

No, really.

Finding North — Rachel Dunning

That look says: how do they get those nipples so perky?

Our guess: Nipple Fluffers. 

Being Prince Charming — D.L. Jackson

There are, like, three extraterrestrial kind of things on this cover.


Tumblr_lz15sqSNix1qdwjb5o10_r1_250

Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

No judging!

Bug Bite — Phoebe Quenella Wordsworth

Call for Cover Submissions

badromancenovelquotes:

I’m just not feeling the covers I’ve been looking through, and I haven’t had a chance to scan in a few more boxes.

So! If you have a romance novel with a bad cover, send the picture (or link to the picture) to me! send it to thewife@unclewaltersrants.com. Be sure to include the name (and or link) you’d like listed for credit!

We’re open for submissions of bad romance novel quotes, too, but I’m definitely in need of covers right now. morebadbookcovers and badlitmakestheworldgoround and… um… there are others, I know, damnit.

But I’ve had 2 sleeping pills that cause me to hallucinate, and a bunch of other pills, and I’m kind of really slooooow right now. So… Help a friend out?

Whatever that is, we’re all grossed out.

Go take a shower. Now.

Bring Me Fire — Emily Stone